You gonna eat that? Part 3

Once again, we return to the world of weird food. This time, however, it’s not the food itself that’s weird, but it’s application. Our first site shows that you can never be too sure whether or not something is indeed edible, while our second proves that there are always new and creative ways to play with your food.

Post box or Cheese?

This site consists solely of a test. A test to determine one simple thing … can you tell the difference between a photo of a post box (mail box for those of us on the western side of the pond) and a photo of cheese? Now, I know what you’re thinking, who can’t tell the difference between a post box and cheese? They’re completely different shapes, colors and textures, not to mention that you eat one, but not the other (unless you have really strong teeth and a seriously iron deficient diet). However, I should caution you that this test may indeed be harder than it initially appears due to the presence of a few trick questions. Good luck.
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~pennck/pboc/

Hats of Meat

This site is exactly what the title suggests … people wearing hats that are made of meat. Yes, the kind of hats that one wears on one’s head. Yes, the kind of meat that one would eat (although, that’s probably not a wise idea after you’ve used it as headgear). And they don’t just arbitrarily slap a slab of beef on their cranium and call it a hat. No, they have far too much style for that. They’ve actually fashioned the meat to look like actual hats and let me assure you, these people are some very talented meatworkers. I have no idea what else to say about this one other than it’s one of the most randomly bizarre sites I’ve come across so far and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while and/or you’re familiar with my World Weird Web bit from The Tuesday Afternoon Show  then you know that that’s saying something. Hats of meat (I just wanted to say it again). Enjoy.
http://www.hatsofmeat.com/

He’s back and this time it’s … random.

As promised, due to my absence last week, this week it’s a double. No theme, but five sites covering the worlds of law, pets, cursing, shopping and facial hair. Without further ado (because I’m writing this at 5:48 am and haven’t slept yet) let’s get started.

Dumb Laws

Did you know that it’s illegal to fish on a camel’s back in Idaho or to sleep with your shoes on in North Dakota? Dumblaws.com covers unusual laws from all 50 United States and many other countries around the world. Yes, you too might be breaking the law without even knowing it. Of course, I doubt your local authorities would know it either, but you might want to stop by this site just to play it safe.
http://www.dumblaws.com/

Pets in Uniform

Have you ever wanted to see your pet with a military uniform Photoshopped on them? You have?! You poor depraved soul!!! Well, you could spend years in therapy. You could obtain a copy of Photoshop or The GIMP and do it yourself. Or … you could go to this site, send them a photo and pay $19.99. The choice is yours (I’d suggest the therapy).
http://www.petsinuniform.com/

Swearsaurus

Admit it, at one time or another we’ve all wanted to curse someone out without them having the slightest idea what we were saying and now you can. At this site you can learn to spew profanity in such languages as Icelandic, Korean, Turkish and even Latin (my personal favorite). Note: Neither the author of this blog nor those of Swearsaurus may be held responsible for the ass kicking that you may receive as a result of this knowledge. (Warning: There are ads for Adult Friend Finder on the sides of this page that may contain nudity)
http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/

Strange Mall

Ever had the desire to buy a chocolate human heart or a biker jacket for a ferret? No? How about a USB air conditioned shirt or hand soap shaped like little, tiny hands? Still no? How about sending someone an anonymous ass in a box? (Come on, you know you’re thinking about that one). Yes? Well, then this is the site for you. Find all of those items and many more at Strange Mall.
http://www.strangemall.com/

World Beard and Moustache Championships.

Coming soon to ESPN … whatever number they’re up to now. That’s right Virginia, there is a world of competitive facial hair (although, it’s probably not very fast paced) and this site features the U.S. team. This is probably the easiest … and slowest “sport” in the world. At the risk of sounding sexist, I sincerely hope that we don’t have a women’s team.
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

Taking a week off

Due to the very well publicized release of the last volume of a certain fantasy fiction masterpiece (that I’m almost done with) I didn’t have time to find anything this week. I’ll be back next week with a double.

Hoff the deep end.

Actor, producer, writer, director, international pop star … is there anything that David Hasselhoff can’t do? (except act, produce, write, direct, sing and keep a shirt on for more than 10 minutes). Yeah, you guessed it, this week is all about that truly amazing cultural icon known simply as The Hoff.

Go The Hoff …

Since the early 80s, David Hasselhoff has been the subject of envy, lust, scorn, ridicule, parody, pity and gales of derisive laughter. Now, he’s the subject of lots and lots of Photoshopping. My personal favorite is The H Word.
http://www.gothehoff.com/

The Hasselhoffian Recursion

This one isn’t a site, but just a simple image. An image so earth shatteringly brilliant … so miraculous … so utterly life changing (you have to know that something bad is coming by now) that I felt the overwhelming need to share it with all of you. Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present The Hasselhoffian Recursion.
(Warning: This image is an animated gif with a bit of a strobing effect, if you have a negative reaction to flickering lights, it might be best to skip this one.)
http://www.seccs.org/members/mwilson/images/hasselhoffian-recursion.gif

It’s a bird, it’s a plane …

This week is all about those spandex-clad bastions of all that is good. No, I’m not referring to the 80s hair metal bands (I did say good, after all). Of course, I’m talking about, no not Shaft … he didn’t wear spandex, but superheroes. Unfortunately, neither of these sites explain the whole underwear on the outside thing.

Superdickery

Superman, everyone’s favorite Kansas farm boy/alien/superhero, is usually a nice guy. However, he was raised on Earth and, at least in terms of his personality, is pretty much human so even he has his off days. Here’s a site that showcases some of his best examples of unsuperhero like conduct (I wonder what the yard penalty is for that)
http://www.superdickery.com/

The Religious Affiliation of Comic Book Characters

Not much has been said about what goes on in the lives of comic book characters when they’re not in panel. Of course, this is because they’re fictional characters who don’t exist when they aren’t in panel. Still, some comic book authors feel the need to give details about their characters that have very little or nothing to do with the story at hand (as if having well rounded characters was a good thing). Well, if you’ve ever wondered what superheroes do when they aren’t fighting crime, you can find a small piece of that puzzle here.
http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/comic_book_religion.html

Note: Since Mondays have been a bit hectic for me as of late, I’ll be doing the blog on on Tuesdays (EST) from now on. Type at you next week.

You gonna eat that? Part 2

This week, I present the second part of my recurring series of food related sites. I’ll be coming back to this topic every few weeks for the foreseeable future (if I did them all back to back, I’d never cover anything else). Our first site gives us a glimpse into a world that no one really wants to experience, but far too many have. The second uncovers the insidious conspiracy behind a very popular soft drink.

The Simulator

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to work at a fast food restaurant? Are you a former fast food restaurant employee who yearns to relive your glory days? While I sincerely hope that your answer to both questions is a resounding No!!!!, for those special few who said yes The Simulator is for you (my condolences). This unique and embarrassingly compelling site allows you to live the life of a MacDonald’s employee (yeah, I know, why?). Spend hour after hour making burger after burger right from the comfort of your own home and without the hassle of having to cash those minuscule paychecks. The only thing missing is that mysterious smell.

http://www.conceptlab.com/simulator/

The Gatorade Conspiracy

I’ve never been a big fan of Gatorade. It’s always tasted a bit salty to me and now, thanks to this site, I understand why. Using specialized photography and well chosen examples from their own subversive advertising campaigns, the authors of this site reveal the cunningly subtle psychological manipulation (and hilarious practical joke) that the makers of this inexplicably popular sports drink have been using for many many years to make fools of us all. Trust me, you’ll never look at a bottle of Gatorade quite the same again (hint: it has something to do with the shape of the bottle).

http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2006/03/gatorade-conspiracy.html

Running Late

I’m running a bit behind schedule, so I’ll have this week’s post up by either tonight or tomorrow morning (EST). Sorry for the delay.

NSFW … kinda.

This week’s sites are somewhat adult oriented (Not Safe For Work), but not in the conventional way (don’t worry, it’s nothing illegal or disgusting). One proves that there is really no limit to how dirty some peoples minds can be (yay), while the other just goes to show that if you’re going to play with your food, you should at least be creative about it (whether or not they were creative, I can’t decide)

Earth Erotica

This site is basically Mother Earth Gone Wild. It’s an exhibition (pun intended) of nature photographs that, if you tilt your head just right and you squint a little … and you’re mildly intoxicated, look like naughty bits. I have no idea what makes someone look at a rock face and see a part of the human anatomy, but I’m certainly glad that someone did.
http://www.eartherotica.com/

The Wonderful World of Gummybear Sex

A wise man once said “I smell sex and candy”. Well ok, he more sung it than said it … and I don’t know that he was all that wise, but it’s certainly appropriate for this site. The Wonderful World of Gummybear Sex is a series of photographs of gummybears in various sexual positions … with each other. Granted, we’ve all posed inanimate objects in sexual positions at one time or another and some of us may have even taken photographs of the proceedings for personal use (or blackmail), but there’s just something amusingly disturbing about seeing little, multicolored candy teddy bears copulating … especially when you get to the last one (I won’t ruin the surprise)
http://www.emyrs.com/bears/default.asp

People Are Strange

P.T. Barnum once said that there’s a sucker born every minute. Andy Warhol is, of course, famously quoted as saying that in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. The fact that either of the individuals featured in this week’s installment of The World Weird Web gets any attention at all is proof that they were both right (Yes, I’m now partly to blame). Personally, I think that they both serve as evidence that Darwin may have miscalculated and that Nero is tuning up.

Ill Mitch

Ill Mitch fancies himself a bit of a renaissance man. He’s a rapper, skateboarder and a video blogger. He also enjoys beating his punching bag and playing his trick piano … and no, I’m not speaking euphemistically. This would be very interesting if he was actually good at all of them or some of them … or any of them. The one thing that he does seem to be good at, however, is marketing himself. You gotta love irony.
http://www.illmitch.com/

The Home page of Randy Constan alias Peter Pan

Randy Constan is quite a fascinating … person. Like Ill Mitch, he is … an individual of many talents. Unlike Ill Mitch, he’s actually pretty good at many of them. Although, the manner in which he chooses to use some of his many talents is an acquired taste at best. He says that his business card reads “Guitarist, Inventor, Engineer, Eternal Child”, but that’s only the tip of the disturbing iceberg that is Randy Constan. For a glimpse at his true gift, check out the fashion section of Peter Pan’s Home Page, but remember … there are some things in this world that you just can’t unsee.
http://pixyland.org/

Land of The Rising Weirdness

This week’s foray into the world weird web comes to us courtesy of our Japanese friends. Of course, Japan has given the world some wonderful things … consumer electronics, anime, ninjas, anime about ninjas, consumer electronics that play anime about ninjas, anime about consumer electronics that play anime about ninjas, ninja themed consumer electronics that play anime about consu … ok, I’ll stop now. But there are some Japanese creations that simply defy any conceivable explanation … and not in a good way (unlike Godzilla).

Japanese Condom Packages.

This site is entirely in Japanese so I have no idea what it says, but it was obviously set up to sell condoms. Now, that in and of itself isn’t particularly unusual, but note the packaging of said prophylactics. While most American condom packages (and, I would presume those of many other countries as well) feature boring corporate logos, cheesy romantic scenes and/or not so vaguely phallic, pseudo-artistic imagery, most of these look like they would be better suited on a candy wrapper. In fact, one of them (in name and design) very closely mimics a particular American chocolate bar. Also, some of the images are just plain wrong. Specifically the little girl/dog/little girl dog (I can’t tell which it is. If you do, please enlighten me in the comment section) lovingly cradling the giant condom. And don’t even get me started on the creepy clown in the banner at the top of the page.
http://www.rakuten.co.jp/arune/480729/599484/588619/

Vending Machines of Japan
Vending machines have become a staple of modern life. They give us sustenance, provide life’s little necessities and often just let us have a bit of fun. However, the Japanese seem to have taken them to a new level. Now, some of these provide very useful items (umbrellas, flight insurance, disposable cameras) and, of course, there’s the requisite condoms, porn and cigarettes, but some of them are just … well … weird. For example, eggs, toilet paper, rhinoceros beetles. There’s even one that sells fried foods (why?) and another that’s supposedly stocked with ‘used’ schoolgirl panties … yes, ‘used’ schoolgirl panties. This begs a couple of questions … 1) Were they laundered before being put into the machine? 2) Do they come with certificates of authenticity to ensure that they were indeed worn by and actual schoolgirl? On second thought, I don’t want to know.
http://www.photomann.com/japan/machines/